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Encountering denial, notably when it recurs often, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, giving a firm “Not interested.” Working in writing, I am familiar with rejection. I started proposing manuscripts half a century past, upon finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous pieces. Over the past two decades, focusing on personal essays, the denials have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a rejection frequently—totaling in excess of 100 each year. Cumulatively, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

However, does this seem like a complaining outburst? Not at all. As, finally, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve It?

A bit of background: Now, almost each individual and their distant cousin has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, an editor rejected 20 submissions in a row before approving one. A few years ago, no fewer than 50 book publishers declined my book idea before someone approved it. A few years later, 25 literary agents rejected a project. One editor suggested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

The Seven Stages of Rejection

Starting out, every no were painful. I felt attacked. I believed my writing was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly you’ve rejected the mistake? This must be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to judge on my work? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, bargaining (often accompanied by optimism). What does it require you to see me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Additionally, I can never become successful.

So it went for decades.

Great Precedents

Certainly, I was in fine company. Stories of authors whose books was originally declined are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was first rejected. Since they did persevere, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the last 60 years had previously lost campaigns. The filmmaker claims that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined 1,500 times. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the last step of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why a publisher says no. For starters, an publisher may have just published a like work, or have something in the pipeline, or simply be contemplating that idea for someone else.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor feels I don’t have the experience or standing to be suitable. Or isn’t in the business for the wares I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my piece too fast to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is pretty much little you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are forever out of your hands.

Within Control

Additional reasons are under your control. Let’s face it, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be flawed. They may be irrelevant and impact, or the message I am attempting to convey is poorly presented. Or I’m being obviously derivative. Or something about my writing style, especially dashes, was unacceptable.

The key is that, in spite of all my years of exertion and setbacks, I have managed to get widely published. I’ve published multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a autobiography, at retirement age—and in excess of a thousand pieces. These works have been published in newspapers big and little, in diverse sources. My first op-ed was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, humble achievements have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but provided that you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What teachings have I learned?

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